- Why did you escape from prison? - a policeman asks the fugitive. - I wanted to get married. - Heh. You have quite the strange view of freedom.
A young man asks his girlfriend. - Would you marry a rich idiot? - Hard to say... How much money you got?
- Mommy, was my dad a modest man when he was young? - Sure he was. Otherwise you would be much older now.
Two friends are talking: - "Do you help your wife at home" asks one. - "No I do everything by myself."
H.L. Mencken:"On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women."
Question: What a husband should do if he sees his wife with a stranger and they both are naked? Answer: A good husband should cover his wife at once, not to let her get cold.
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A wife of a man has died.The man comes to his friend and says: "Lend me some money,please. I would like to arrange the funeral, commemoration, all such..." "Well,I would lend it to you, but I know you perfectly well. You will lose everything in cards." "No, furthermore, I`ve already set aside some amount for cards."
A man comes home early in the morning. His wife asks him: "Where have you been, bastard?" He answers: "I came into the bar with my friends. We took a drink, then we drank again... I came out and saw the earth began to rise and bashed up my face. So I had to stay for the whole night."
- Do you pray before meal? - No, my wife cooks good.
Two men are sitting in a pub and one says to the other “My mother-in-law is an angel”. His buddy replies “You’re so fucking lucky… mine is still alive!”
Woman says to her husband who is going fishing. - If pike is too expensive, buy crucians or carp.
A boss asks his secretary. "What did my wife said when you told her that I would be late today?" - She just asked, "Can I rely on this information for sure?"
