Family

[Administrator]

- Do you pray before meal?
- No, my wife cooks good.

[Administrator]

Two friends are talking:
- "Do you help your wife at home" asks one.
- "No I do everything by myself."

[Administrator]

- My wife always says to me, "Give me money, give me money."
- What does she do with all the money?
- Dunno. Never gave her a penny.

[Administrator]

I was happy only once - before I have met you.

[Administrator]

One lady is dying. Her husband asks:
- What inscription do you want to have on your grave?
- The wife of the Above-mentioned.

[Administrator]

The letter to TV company:
"Please, remove the creeping line from the screen during the news! My mother-in-law thinks it is karaoke and sings!!!"

[Administrator]

Dear parents! Remember! Little children left without oversight very soon become little parents!

[Administrator]

Two men are sitting in a pub and one says to the other “My mother-in-law is an angel”. His buddy replies “You’re so fucking lucky… mine is still alive!”

[Administrator]

A gentleman fresh out of gift ideas, bought his mother-in-law a large plot in an expensive cemetery. On her next birthday, he bought her nothing.
She was quick to comment loud and long on his thoughtlessness.
The gentleman said only one thing--"Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year."

[Administrator]

The telephone rings. The receiver is hung up by a little son.
"Whom?"
"Daddy at home?"
"No,he has left."
"To relax?"
"No,he has left with mum."

[Administrator]

Woman says to her husband who is going fishing.
- If pike is too expensive, buy crucians or carp.

[Administrator]

A boss asks his secretary.
"What did my wife said when you told her that I would be late today?"
- She just asked, "Can I rely on this information for sure?"

[Administrator]

A man comes home early in the morning. His wife asks him:
"Where have you been, bastard?"
He answers:
"I came into the bar with my friends. We took a drink, then we drank again... I came out and saw the earth began to rise and bashed up my face. So I had to stay for the whole night."

[Administrator]

A husband left for work. He walked out from the multi-story apartment house where he lived on the sixth floor, and remembered that he forgot money for lunch. He shouted to his wife, "Masha! I left money. Please, drop fifty kopeks for me!"
The wife walked to the balcony and said, "Always you forget something. With you, nothing is right, you dunderhead." Still, she went into the apartment, found fifty kopeks in several small coins and shouted, "How can I drop these coins? They will scatter all over the street."
"No problem," the husband said. "Just wrap them in a three-ruble bill."

[Administrator]

A man returns home in the early morning. His wife berates him:
- Where the hell have you been? I could not sleep all night!
- You think I was sleeping?