Family

[Administrator]

H.L. Mencken:"On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women."

[Administrator]

A morning dialogue. Husband:
"Honey, you know when I shave in the morning I feel 10 years younger"
Wife: "But can you shave in the evening then?"

[Administrator]

"Dear" croaked a husband with an effort "I`m feeling uneasy. Call a veterinary, please."
"A veterinary?!!!" asked his wife in surprise "and why not a human doctor?"
"Because" answered the husband "I work as a horse, live as a dog and sleep with a cow!!!"

[Administrator]

Question: What a husband should do if he sees his wife with a stranger and they both are naked?
Answer: A good husband should cover his wife at once, not to let her get cold.

[Administrator]

Les Dawson:"I can always tell when the mother-in-law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps."

[Administrator]

Honolulu? Well, it's got everything: sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.---Ken Dodd

[Administrator]

A wife of a man has died.The man comes to his friend and says:
"Lend me some money,please. I would like to arrange the funeral, commemoration, all such..."
"Well,I would lend it to you, but I know you perfectly well. You will lose everything in cards."
"No, furthermore, I`ve already set aside some amount for cards."

[Administrator]

A man comes home early in the morning. His wife asks him:
"Where have you been, bastard?"
He answers:
"I came into the bar with my friends. We took a drink, then we drank again... I came out and saw the earth began to rise and bashed up my face. So I had to stay for the whole night."

[Administrator]

A mermaid walked out of the sea carrying an infant. She approached the people on the beach and said, "Can you please tell me how to find a diver by the name of Jerry?"

[Administrator]

- What happened to your face, Masha?
- I was beaten mercifully by my husband today.
- Your husband? I thought he is out of town these days.
- Unfortunately I thought the same too.

[Administrator]

The wife scolds:
"You are the rabble! Rascal! Bastard! I`m leaving you! Give me some money for a ticket, I`m going to my mum."
The husband gives money to her.
"Scoundrel! And for the back ticket?"

[Administrator]

A husband and wife stepped up to view the body of his mother-in-law. As he began to cry, his wife punched him and said:
- Why are you crying, you never liked my mother anyway.
I know, -  he replied, - I thought I saw her move!

[Administrator]

- How they call women who always know where is their husbands?
- Widows.

[Administrator]

A just married couple after the durable and tiresome wedding day at last appeared alone. The happy husband sits down on a bed and says:
"With what impatience I have been waiting for this moment!"
"And your new shoes were tight you, either?"

[Administrator]

The wife and her little son come back from a health resort.
The wife tells the husband:
"But only fancy,I met such interesting people, such fascinating interlocutors! I, for example, got acquainted with an Admiral."
The son mutters:
"The Admiral - Admiral, he is afraid of sleeping alone!"