Family

[Administrator]

Three men are arguing: "When does life begin?"
One says: At the time of conception.
- At the time of birth, argues the other.
- Oh, no, says the third. Life begins when the wife takes the children and they all leave for vacation.

[Administrator]

Son comes to his father to tell him that he became a father.
Fathers asks, "Son, so is it a boy?"
Son says, "Yes but he is black."
Father, "Why?"
Son, "Because my wife said that on the way to the hospital she saw a black man."
Father refers to his wife, "On the way to hospital when you were going to give birth to our son did u see a dunky?"

[Administrator]

- Why did you escape from prison? - a policeman asks the fugitive.
- I wanted to get married.
- Heh. You have quite the strange view of freedom.

[Administrator]

A just married couple after the durable and tiresome wedding day at last appeared alone. The happy husband sits down on a bed and says:
"With what impatience I have been waiting for this moment!"
"And your new shoes were tight you, either?"

[Administrator]

- What happened to your face, Masha?
- I was beaten mercifully by my husband today.
- Your husband? I thought he is out of town these days.
- Unfortunately I thought the same too.

[Administrator]

The wife scolds:
"You are the rabble! Rascal! Bastard! I`m leaving you! Give me some money for a ticket, I`m going to my mum."
The husband gives money to her.
"Scoundrel! And for the back ticket?"

[Administrator]

A young man asks his girlfriend.
- Would you marry a rich idiot?
- Hard to say... How much money you got?

[Administrator]

The husband and wife watch boxing on TV.
The husband sighs and says:
"I am disappointed. Everything is over in 4 minutes."
The wife responds:
"Splendid! Now you know, what I feel!"

[Administrator]

A husband left for work. He walked out from the multi-story apartment house where he lived on the sixth floor, and remembered that he forgot money for lunch. He shouted to his wife, "Masha! I left money. Please, drop fifty kopeks for me!"
The wife walked to the balcony and said, "Always you forget something. With you, nothing is right, you dunderhead." Still, she went into the apartment, found fifty kopeks in several small coins and shouted, "How can I drop these coins? They will scatter all over the street."
"No problem," the husband said. "Just wrap them in a three-ruble bill."

[Administrator]

- Mommy, was my dad a modest man when he was young?
- Sure he was. Otherwise you would be much older now.

[Administrator]

Two friends are talking:
- "Do you help your wife at home" asks one.
- "No I do everything by myself."

[Administrator]

"My dear, this guy is an orphan, furthermore he is lame. Don`t marry him, please."
"And I don`t need a good-looking guy."
"I am not talking about that. Feel pity to him, he has enough problems in this life."

[Administrator]

A girl came back home from the school and asked her grandmother, "Granny, what is a lover?"
"A lover?" the grandmother said. "Let me think. Lov.... Lover.... Oh, my God!" She rushed to the wall, pulled aside the hanging rug, revealing a hidden closet door. She unlocked the door, and a skeleton of a young man fell out from the closet.

[Administrator]

Looking at his mother trying her new fur coat the little boy says:
"Mum, do you realize that this fur coat is the result of awful sufferings of a poor animal?"
The mother has a look at her son and answers:
"How can you say that about your dad?!!"

[Administrator]

When Santa came home, his wife, Jeeto, was crying.
"Your mother insulted me," Jeeto sobbed.
"My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the country?" Santa asked.
"I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious."
"And?"
"At the end of the letter it said, 'Dear Jeeto, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son.'"