Gays

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Why do gay men have moustaches?
To hide the stretchmarks.

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Two gay men were in bed fooling around when all of a sudden the door bell rings. The first gay man tells the second, "Don't cum until I come back", and he rushes off to answer the door. After a few minutes, he eagerly returns to the bedroom only to find cum was all over the bed and sheets. He says to the second gay man, "I thought you wasn't going to cum until I came back. The second gay man says to the first, "I didn't cum, ........I farted!

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A young man, in the course of his college life, came to terms with his homosexuality and decided to "come out of the closet." His plan was to tell his mother first; so on his next home visit, he went to the kitchen, where his mother was busying herself stirring stew with a wooden spoon. Rather nervously, he explained to her that he had realized he was gay. Without looking up from her stew, his mother said, "You mean, homosexual?" "Well...yes." Still without looking up: "Does that mean you suck men`s penises?" Caught off guard, the young man eventually managed to stammer an embarrassed affirmative; whereupon his mother turned to him and, brandishing the wooden spoon threateningly under his nose, snapped: "Don`t you EVER complain about my cooking again!"

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A man walks in to a doctors office and says, "Doctor you must help me. I have AIDS." The doctor replies, "Are you gay?" The man answers "yes." The doctor says, "I think I can help. Go to the grocery store, buy a box of laxatives and a quart of prune juice.Take ALL of the laxatives and drink ALL of the prune juice. Take a nap for a couple of hours. When you wake up your problem will be solved." The man answers, "Will that cure my AIDS?" The doctor replies, "No, but you will find out what your ass hole is really for!"

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Three guys are in a doctor`s office. One is a drunk, another`s a smoker and the third`s a gay guy. Three guys are in a doctor`s office. One is a drunk, another`s a smoker and the third`s a gay guy. The doctor tells each of them that, if they induldge in their bad habit one more time, they will die.
Outside they pass a bar. The drunk says, “I don`t care if I die, I need a drink.” The drunk goes into the bar takes a drink and, sure enough, he drops dead.
Meanwhile the smoker and the gay guy are walking along. Then the smoker spots a lit cigarette on the sidewalk. The gay guy looks over and says, “If you bend down to pick that up, we`re both dead.”

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A big 300 pound, seven foot brute of a man walked into a bar one evening and said to the bartender "Give everyone a drink except that gay guy over there"
About fifteen minutes later he gives the same order, "Give everyone a drink except that gay guy over there"
The gay guy asks the bartender for two ice cubes. The bartender asks why, and the gay guy says "I am going to put one in each cheek, go over there, and cold-cock that big sonofabitch!"

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What's the difference between a whale and a dyke?
Oh, about ten pounds, and a plaid shirt.

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A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodka." The barman says "Wow! you must have had one really bad day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said "WOW! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" "Yeah, my wife..."

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Two men were sitting at a bar recounting their dreams. "I dreamed I was on vacation," one man said fondly. "It was just me and my fishing rod and this big beautiful lake. What a dream." "I had a great dream too," said the other. "I dreamed I was in bed with two beautiful women and having the time of my life." His companion looked over and exhorted, "You dreamed you had two women, and you didn't call me?" "Oh, I did," said the other, "but when I called, your wife said you'd gone fishing.

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Q. What do gay men refer to hemorrhoids as? ...
A. Speed bumps

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4 gay guys walk into a bar. There is only 1 4 legged stool left, how do they sit???
They turn it upsidedown.
Sent by GC

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Two fags were walking down the street and passed a handsome guy. One fag turned to the other and said, "See that stud there, Bruce?" "Sure." "Well, let me tell you, he's a tremendous fuck!" "No shit?" Bruce asked. "Well, hardly any."

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Two men were hunting in the woods, and they came across a bear. The bear starts chasing them and they are running as fast as they can. They looked back and the bear was gaining on them. The two hunters are running neck and neck and one says to the other, "I don't think we are going to be able to outrun this bear". The other hunter says "I am not worried about the bear, I only have to outrun you"

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Bruce the sperm was excited at the thought of seeing a guy`s throat. He rode in his ball to the bedroom of the man`s sex partner for the night. After the bullsh*t they got into action. The sperms got excited as they swung back and forth in their sack. All of a sudden they all rocketed through the tunnel of love and out of the man`s d*ck into the hole. They swam up the receptacle and then Percy remarked that he hadnt smelled anything this bad since the man they rode in worked in a fish market dumping entrails into a bucket and emptying it into a dumpster. Bruce then announced: "He straightened out! We`re up a c*nt!"

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3 friends go on holiday together and when they check into thier hotel, the receptionist tells them that theres only one room left and it`s a double bedded room. They all think about it and decide just to take it! That night they decided that one of them is going to be on the left, one in the middle and one on the right, so they get ready and go to sleep. The next morning they wake up and the one on the left says "I had a dream that I was wanking" and then the one on the right says "Thats what I dreamt about" and then they guy in the middle says "You guys are disgusting, in my dream I was skiing"