Women

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The boy asks his dad: "What's the difference between a 'cunt' and a 'pussy'?"
The dad gets a Penthouse magazine, draws a circle around a crotch and says: "Everything inside the circle is a 'pussy', everything outside the circle is a 'cunt'"

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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb!

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These two women went out for a night on the town and got just totally sloshed. At the end of the evening they decided to take a short cut through a cow pasture after being unable to find a ride home. They became lost so split up to try and find the road home. One of the lushes doubled back only to stumble on the other flat on her back sucking on, and playing with a cow's udders. Her friend screamed "what are you doing"? the other lush says "shut up, with all these guys here someone'll drive us home".

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A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly screwed she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore.
She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!!
The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes.
The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars.
The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds gain that her ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points own the beach to a small development of ten such mansions.
Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-husband will get ten times what she wishes for.
No problem, said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy. For my last wish...
"Id like to give birth to twins".

[Administrator]

What's the difference between a barmaid in the evening and a barmaid at night?
A barmaid in the evening is fair and buxom. A barmaid at night is bare and ....

[Administrator]

An advantage of being with an older woman
If you act immature enough and hang around long enough, an older woman will just mistake you for another one of her children and let you live at her house rent-free. Older women can afford to support you.

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What does a woman of 40 have between her breasts that a woman of 20 doesn't?
A belly-button!

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This girl I know told me she was so horny her own tongue's starting to feel good in her mouth.

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"Would you sleep with me for ten thousand dollars?" asked John "Yes, I will." Paula replied. "Would you do it for one thousand?" he asked. "Well maybe, or maybe I'd do something else for you." she answered with a wink. "How about a blowjob for $20?" responded John. "Hey! What kind of women do you think I am?" Paula snapped, indignantly. "That's already been established, Paula. Now we're just haggling over the price!"

[Administrator]

A man went to the doctor's. The doctor came in and said, "Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain transplants and there has been an accident right out front and a young couple was killed and you can have whichever brain you'd like. The man's brain costs $100,000.00 and the woman's brain costs "30,000.00."
The patient could not help but ask, "Why such a large difference between the male and the female brain?"
The doctor replied, "The female brain is used."

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Woman goes into a hardware store and asks the clerk for two AA batteries. The clerk gestures with his fingers and says, "Come this way," and heads towards the back of the store. "If I could come that way," she tells the retreating clerk, "I wouldn't need the batteries."

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Her father was very angry when he heard that his twenty year old daughter had hitch hiked all alone, all the way from San Francisco to Washington.
"For gods sake!" he screamed, "Someone could have attacked you and raped you!"
"I wasn't ever in no danger at all", she said, trying to calm him down. "As soon as someone gave me a ride, I said I was going to Washington, because thats where they have the best treatment for sexually transmitted diseases."

[Administrator]

A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital.
Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day. "Are you hurt?" she asks.
She replies, "Of course I'm hurt! He hasn't called! He hasn't written!"

[Administrator]

A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" Asked the friend.
The woman replied, "A billionaire."

[Administrator]

Three Things Women Can Do That Men Can't:
1. Bleed for a week and not die.
2. Give milk without eating grass
3. Bury an eight inch bone faster than any dog!