Women

[Administrator]

Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you've been telling people that I'm ugly!" "Oh NO! I've just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive." "I also heard that you've been calling me fat?!?" "Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are." "I've also heard that you're saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!" "Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"

[Administrator]

Did you hear about the woman who only had two chances to get pregnant?
-She blew them both...

[Administrator]

What has a woman got in common with a box of Kentucky Fried Chicken?
Once you get past the tender breast and the juicy thigh, all you're left with is a greasy box.

[Administrator]

Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks. After a while the conversation started turning a little rude and crass. Soon the women were getting louder and they were arguing about how wide their snatches were. (This happens all the time.) The first woman got up on the bar, lifted her leg, grabbed a baseball bat and slid it home. All the people in the bar were watching, hooting and hollering, throwing money. Five minutes later the second woman got up, lifted her leg, grabbed a bowling ball and slid it in. People were going ballistic. Finally the third women very casually got up on the bar and asked for a quarter. She slid it in..... and the jukebox starts playing.

[Administrator]

Age FAVORITE FANTASY
17 tall, dark and handsome
25 tall, dark and handsome with money
35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 a man with hair
66 a man

[Administrator]

Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

[Administrator]

The Diet
BREAKFAST 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz glass skim milk
LUNCH 4 oz lean broiled chicken breast 1 cup steamed zucchini 1 Oreo cookie
MID-AFTERNOON SNACK rest of the package of Oreo cookies 1 quart Rocky Road ice cream 1 jar hot fudge
DINNER 2 loaves garlic bread 1 large pepperoni & mushroom pizza 1 large pitcher of beer 3 Milky Way candy bars 1 entire cheesecake
DIET TIPS 1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories 2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they cancel each other out. 3. When eating with someone else, calories dont count if you both eat the same amount. 4. Foods used for medicinal purpose have no calories. These include any chocolate used for energy, brandy, cheesecake, and ice cream. 5. Cookie pieces contain no calories, because breakage causes the calories to leak out. 6. If you eat food from someone else's plate, the calories don't count. 7. Movie related snacks are much lower in calories because they are part of the entertainment, and not ones of personal fuel.

[Administrator]

A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms.
She said, "Depends on what's in it for me."

[Administrator]

Regardless of what you may hear, there's still many women these days who are excellent "housekeepers". Seems each time they get a divorce, they keep the house.

[Administrator]

What's the difference between women and men?
One has morning sickness, the other has morning stiffness.

[Administrator]

How are women like elevators?
Only about half go down.

[Administrator]

How is a woman like a road?
-Both have manholes.

[Administrator]

What is the difference between a blonde and a brunette?
Well about 15 minutes!