Women

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Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons. Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it. Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines. Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better. Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls. Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed. Good girls say, "No." Bad girls say, "When?"

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The recent announcement that Mattel and the producers of "Baywatch" have joined forces to create Baywatch Barbie came as no surprise. After all, both companies have made millions off airheads with flawless skins, Malibu tans, and synthetic breasts.
If Baywatch Barbie sells well, other Barbie/TV tie-ins seem certain to follow. Some possibilities:
Melrose Place Barbie: Comes complete with her Barbie Dream Apartment, where Skipper and the rest of the gang live rent-free. Other accessories include a bottle of vodka, silk sheets and an arrest warrant.
Dr. Barbie, Medicine Woman: This helpful doll offers other homesteaders important tips like what conditioner to use out on the Plains and how to take care of their nails while shoeing a horse.
America's Most Wanted Barbie: She's on the run after 30 years of crime against feminism.
Oprah Barbie: Push a button on her back and this Barbie actually speaks! Hold your very own talk show with topics like how tough math class is, Ballerina Barbie's struggle with bulimia, and Kens who wear Barbie's clothes.
My So-Called Barbie: She faces the same troubling issues as regular teens who don't have huge wardrobes, pools, ponies, and perfect bods.
Roseanne Barbie: The dark side of the American dream is explored with this doll, which shows what happened after Barbie graduated from high school, married too young and ate too much.
Murder, Barbie Wrote: Whenever this elder stateswoman of the Barbie set (she's 27!) arrives in the playhouse, all the other dolls mysteriously disappear.

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A young woman on a rough Atlantic crossing was in her cabin undressing then suddenly she was overcome by sea sickness. In a panic she rushed into the corridor and headed for the bathroom. It was not until she collided with an elderly gentleman that she realized she didn't have a stitch of clothing on.
Horrified, she let out a shriek.
Her fellow sufferer looked at her sadly. "Don't let it bother you, miss," he moaned. "I'll never live to tell anyone."

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3 pregnant women were waiting in the doctor's waiting room for an antenatal check-up and were all knitting garments for there respective babies. Suddnely the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one... "What was that?", the other two ask, curiously. "Calcium tablet. Good for mommy, good for little baby", she replies, patting her stomach affectionately. Satisfied, all 3 continue with their knitting... 5 minutes later, the second one stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one.. "What was that?", the other two enquire "Vitamin tablet", she replies, "Good for mommy, good for little baby" and she pats her stomach affectionately. All 3 smile and continue busily with their knitting... 5 minutes later, the last woman stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one.. "What was that?" ask the other two.. "Thalidomide. I can't knit sleeves..."

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The doctor said to the housewife, "I've got good news and I've got bad news. The good news is you don't have PMS. The bad news is - you're a bitch!"

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The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's Life
The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes." The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide." The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?" The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?" The Interior Designer - who tells her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!" The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!" The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and lie still!"

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What do you call a truckload of vibrators?
-Toys for Twats.

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What's the difference between men and women?
Women must play hard to get; men must get hard to play!

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This blind guy was walking pass the fish market and he said "Good morning ladies.."

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Feminist's Fairytale!! Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so." That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing and saying, "I don't think so."

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Q: How do you know when you've satisfied a redhead?
A: She unties you.

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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent.
Wedding cake!

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One of the life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.

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At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. "No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret."
"I don't know about that," huffily answered a woman guest. "I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one."
"You'll let it out some day," the man insisted.
"I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever."

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A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice the girl knew just as much about the game as themselves, and are really impressed. After the game they ask her, "How is it that you know so much about baseball?"
She says, "Well, I used to be a guy and got a sex change."
The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process.
"What was the most painful part of the process? Was it when they cut IT off?"
"That was very painful, but was not the most painful part."
"Was it when they cut off your balls?"
"That was very painful, but was not the most painful part."
"What was the most painful part?"
"The part that hurt the most was when they cut my salary in half!"