Prostitutes

[Administrator]

A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I bought these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?", the priest asked.
"They only know how to say Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some FUN?"
"That's terrible", the priest exclaimed, "But I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I have taught to pray and read the Bible, then my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."
"Thank you." said the lady.
So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking parrots and the female parrots say, "Hi, we are prostitutes Do you want to have some FUN?"
One male parrot looks over to the other male parrot and says,
"Put the bibles away our prayers have been answered"

[Administrator]

After spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute, the politician took$300 out of his wallet and placed it on the dressing table." Thanks," she said. "But I only charge $20." "Twenty bucks for the entire night?" the amazed MP replied. "You can'tmake a living on that." "Oh, don't worry," the whore replied. "I do a little blackmail on the side!"

[Administrator]

A German asks a prostitute for sex and she tells him it's 20 dollars. "Fine" he says, "but I'm a bit kinky". She agrees that this is OK as long as he doesn't do anything violent.
They get back to her flat and he gets out four big springs attached to some straps. "I want you to put one of these on each elbow and one on each knee" he asks.
The prostitute is worried that she's getting into something a bit heavy, but she goes along with his request. Then she is told to get down on all fours, naked, in front of him which she does grudgingly. Then he asks her to start bouncing up and down on the springs and finally he takes a duck call whistle from his pocket. "Blow on this while I'm shagging you" he tells her.
So he's banging away at her from behind while she's bouncing on the springs blowing the duck whistle. Suddenly she starts to enjoy the shagging, so much so in fact that she experiences the most fantastic orgasm she's ever had.
After they've finished she says "Wow, that was the most fantastic sex I've had in 25 years on the game, how the hell did you make it so good?"
"Ah," the German replies. "Foursprung Duck Technique".

[Administrator]

Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at this party they were at the night before. 1st guy: Man, I was so drunk that last night I got home and blew chunks. 2nd guy: Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was pulled over and given a DUI! 3rd guy: That's nothing. I was so drunk that on the way home I picked up a prostitute and my wife caught us in bed! 1st guy: No, no.. you guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog.

[Administrator]

I went out with my girlfriend and asked her,"Why is it everytime I go out with you, I end upspending hundreds of dollars?" "Because I'm a prostitute."

[Administrator]

The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?"

[Administrator]

This guy has a spare $10 that he decides to spend on his first hooker ever.
He goes out, he gets one, then he brings her home.
They have hours of hardcore sex. Then she leaves when he falls asleep.
The next morning, he wakes up and discovers that he has crabs, he goes and finds the hooker again and says, "Hey, Bitch, you gave me crabs!"
She replies, "Well for $10 what did you expect, Lobsters?"

[Administrator]

Three friends decided to visit a prostitute. It was a slow night, So she gave the guys a deal. "You can pay by the inch."
When the first man comes back out his friends ask, "How much did she charge you?"
"$75 dollars," said the first.
The second guy goes in and returns with a fee of $85. The first two were proud of their prowess.
The third man goes in and returns, "How much did she charge you?" ask the first two.
"$20 dollars" replies the third.
The first two start laughing hysterically.
"Hey guys," replied the third, "I'm not so stupid, I paid on the way out instead of on the way in!"

[Administrator]

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to Nevada. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he's going, he replies,
"I'm coming, too. I want to see how you live on $800 a year!"

[Administrator]

This guy was walking down the street and this hooker says, "Say, wanna have a good time?" "Sure," he says and they were off to the nearest motel.
She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her. She says, "Is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled out of one?" The guy says,
"Nope, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into."

[Administrator]

A prostitute gets run over by a car. A passer-by goes to her aid, and the prostitute says, "Oh no, I feel dizzy and I can't see."
The passer-by shows the prostitute his hand and asks, "How many fingers have I got up?"
Then the prostitute screams "Oh no. I'm paralysed as well!"

[Administrator]

One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed "Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered!"

[Administrator]

- How do you re-sleeve a prostitue?
- Put a leg of ham up her snatch and pull the bone out.

[Administrator]

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms.
The first dwarf, however, is unable to get a stiffy. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, "ONE, TWO, THREE...UUUUH!" all night long.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?"
The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I just couldn't get a hard on."
The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?!!" he asked. "I couldn't even get on the bed!!!"

[Administrator]

Excerpt from a recent live radio interview on one of the regional Welsh stations:
A female newscaster is interviewing the leader of a Youth club:
Interviewer:- So, Mr. Jones, what are you going to do with these children on this adventure holiday?
Jones:- We're going to teach them climbing, abseiling, canoeing, archery, shooting...
Interviewer:- Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible isn't it?
Jones:- I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the range.
Interviewer:- Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
Jones:- I don't see how, we will be teaching them proper range discipline before they even touch a firearm.
Interviewer:- But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
Jones:- Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute but you're not one are you?
Needless to say, the interview was terminated almost immediately......