Transgenders

[Administrator]

If you're like most people, common everyday items look neutral to you. But what you may not know is that many of them have a gender. For example.........
1) Ziploc Bags -- Male, because they hold everything in but you can see right through them.
2) Copier -- Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
3) Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and often it's over inflated.
4) Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.
5) Sponges -- Female, because they're soft and squeezable and retain water.
6) Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.
7) Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
8 ) Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
9) Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
10) Remote Control -- Female...... Ha! You thought it'd be male. But consider this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

[Administrator]

I took my car, which I had only bought a week before, back to the garage.
The mechanic said, "what's the problem, mate?"
I said, "it's this transvestite engine."
The mechanic laughed and said, "you mean transverse engine?"
I said, "no, I mean transvestite engine - it keeps slipping into the wrong gear."

[Administrator]

It takes balls to be a transvestite.

[Administrator]

My wife is so illogical. Last week she threw me out of the house, crying hysterically and calling me an 'animal'.
Now I ask you, how many animals have you ever known to lie on the living room floor masturbating while a Brazilian transsexual takes a dump on the coffee table above?

[Administrator]

I once punched a transsexual in the face. It was fantastic. You really must try it. You get all the satisfaction of punching a woman but with none of the guilt!

[Administrator]

I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite.
My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters who are prostitutes in Jersey City.
I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of neglecting his three children.
I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in the Bronx and, indeed, is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel.
My problem is this: I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her.
Should I tell her I voted for Bush?
Signed, Worried About My Reputation

[Administrator]

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK CROSSDRESSER IF...
- You wear a dress that's strapless and a bra that ain't.
- You wear combat boots with a minidress.
- You wear jeans with a belt buckle that's bigger than your fist.
- You have a Ford F150 pick-up truck, with a gun rack, a Dale Earnhardt license plate frame, and a Confederate flag on the tailgate, next to the bumper sticker that says "I sell Avon Skin-So-Soft." (Karren how many of these do you have?)
- You try to wax your legs with Turtle Wax.
- You braid the hair that sticks through your fishnet stockings.
- Wear a black John Deere baseball cap with pearls.
- You use glitter to highlight your mustache.
- You wear tube tops with your mini, because it shows off your Harley-Davidson tattoo.
- Your favorite band ring came off a cigar.
- You keep spare ammo in your bra.
- You get a run in your stockings while changing a tire on your motorhome.
- Your purse is a toolbox.
- You pluck your eyebrows with a pair of needle nosed pliers.
- You store your lipsticks in a socket-wrench box.
- You use duct tape to keep your "tuck" in place.
- You call your vanity "your work bench."
- You use a pocketknife to sharpen your lip and eye liners.
- "Doing your nails" means sorting the ten-pennies from the sixteen-pennies.
- Your favorite leather skirt was made from the moose you shot last Fall.
- Your new sandals are made from truck tire re-treads your found on the road.
- You keep a spare lipstick in your toolbox.
- You wear a pair of C-clamps as screw-on earrings.
- Your best silver necklace is made from beer can pull-tabs.
- Your nail enamel is made by Rustoleum.
-. You use paint thinner to remove your makeup.
- Your moisturizer says "non-detergent SAE 10W30" on the container.
- You remove your leg hair with duct tape.

[Administrator]

So an American man's had a baby...
What's next, an American president having a brain?

[Administrator]

There were 11 people hanging on to a single rope that suspended them from a helicopter trying to bring them to safety. Ten were transgenders; one was a post-op HBS woman.
They all decided that one person would have to let go because if they didn't, the rope would break and all of them would die.
No one could decide who it should be. Finally the HBS woman gave a really touching speech, saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving things up for their husbands and children and giving in to men.
All of the transgenders started clapping.

[Administrator]

Q. What's a transvestite's idea of a good time?
A. Eat, drink, and be Mary!

[Administrator]

An Irish man is sitting in a pub one night when three Englishmen walk in. The men sit down and start to talk about how they can anger the Irishman. The first man says, "watch this." He gets up, walks over to the Irishman, and says, "hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a faggot."
The Irishman just replies, "oh, is that so now?"
The Englishman, goes back to his seat perplexed, when his friend jumps up and says, "here, lemme try that."
So he goes over to the Irishman and says, "hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite faggot!"
The Irishman only replies, "oh, is that so now?"
So the Englishman, frustratedly, goes and sits down with his friends.
When the third Englishman jumps up and says, "well, now, I gotta try that!" So he walks over to the Irishman and says, "hey, I hear your St. Patrick was an ENGLISHMAN!"
And the Irishman replies, "aye, that's what your friends were sayin'."

[Administrator]

Q: What's the difference between a TV and a TS?
A: A TV can't wait to get home after work and put her high heels on, and a TS can't wait to take hers off.

[Administrator]

When [CNN’s Larry] King asked [male-to-female transgender activist Steve Stanton] if he stands up when he goes to the bathroom in a woman’s restroom, he replied: “No, I don’t. No, I sit down in the woman’s bathroom.”

[Administrator]

On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.
One transgender in particular loses it. Screaming, he stands up in the front of the plane.
I'm too young to die!
he wails.
Then he yells,
Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! No one has ever made me really feel like a real woman, not even my wife. Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??
For a moment there is silence. everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate transgender in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane.
I can make you feel like a woman,
he says.
Then this tall, tanned and well muscled guy with jet black eyes starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.
No one moves. No one says a word.
As this man approaches, the transgender begins to get excited.
The man removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches the excited transgender.
The smell of all that testosterone fills the cabin. The man extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling transgender, and whispers:
Iron this.

[Administrator]

I'm never drinking again. Not because I have a killer hangover and not because I threw up all over the bed.
But, waking up next to a transvestite......